The closet. Who cares?
This morning, as I was coming out of the closet (it is a walk-in one, alright?), I realized how ambiguous we people are when it comes to the information we want or expect to be shared. I wondered right there and then, how many people “came out” at that very moment, and the reasons prompting them to do so.
People are often scandalized when they learn about some of the things that go on behind closed doors. So we learn at a very young age about discretion. There are things that are plain intimate. Some are personally intimate and some other things are part of a couple’s intimacy.
We do not go around talking about boogers, farts or poop. They are personally intimate, and as far as anyone is concerned, none of the three has ever come out of our bodies. They are all regarded as disgusting, no matter how physiologically natural they can be. We tell those who are close to us when we have a cold or an upset stomach in order to warn them that some funky-smelly-icky-juicy-sticky substance might be popping out of our bodies any moment. And it is not our fault, alright?
Also, we do not discuss our private parts. It could be ilegal in some states -and it is frowned upon at the very least- to expose our bodies. Boys are not allowed to show their penises and girls are fighting right now to free the nipple. I know, of course, there are countries in which they are not allowed to even show their faces in public, but it is Western ambiguity I am talking about right now, the one that has little or nothing to do with religion.
Furthermore, we do not share the things we do in the bedroom. Not even with our BFF. We just don’t. It is not the gentleman thing to do.
“Really, who cares what you do on your free, private time?”
I am not using the word hypocrisy -even though I think it might be suitable in some cases- simply because I consider it to be a cultural thingy we carry, and really nobody-who-is-alive-today’s fault. Of course we can blame our ancestors for this and a lot of other stupidity.
There is a person, for example, who might be an actor or a singer. One day he comes out. Really, who cares what you do on your free, private time? Why would I need or desire to know these specifics about anyone?
Do not tell us. Really. It takes all the fun out of gossip. Don’t you think?
But there is a more important reason. Have you noticed how our brain creates and recreates images that accompany your thoughts? Right now, as you are reading this, your mind is creating and/or reproducing all these images of women wearing burqas, kids returning from Narnia, poop in a toilet, poop out of a toilet, a beautiful blond girl holding a booger between her fingers, a Ferrari Enzo, anything. That is the way the mind works.
Someone: “Hi, I am an engineer!”
Your brain immediately reproduces whatever biased image you might have of what an engineer is supposed to look like. And it also saves all that valuable information in a brain page similar to Facebook with the names of all the people you know and what they do. “Ok! This is helpful, it means you can probably draw and make impressive calculations and build stufft”.
But your brain makes its own decisions. After all, it is hopefully the smartest part of your body. If you have no previous idea of what someone or something looks like, it will still come up with an image. That is why it is called “imagination”. It is the act of creating or reproducing images.
Imagine, for instance, that you are home alone and the phone rings. You answer and you hear this feminine voice say “Hello! My name is Olivia, I am a vegetarian.”
I know. It does not sound like a real conversation at all. Yet, your brain pictured it and delivered it to you in Technicolor. Didn’t it?
Your brain will process tons of information in just a fraction of a second, and it will create an image for you, and prompt a response so that you can answer the phone properly. The following is an example of what I’m saying, it’s a bullet list of the information your brain is using from what it heard over the phone. But then it is also creating new information mixing what it has just heard with what it already knows. Tons of intelligence from that little phrase “Hello! My Name is Olivia, I am a vegetarian”:
- Hey, nice voice!
- It’s a girl!
- Ok, I’m married…
- Hey, it’s just a phone call!
- Besides, she called me!
- Vegetarians are nice people. I think.
- Vegetarians eat vegetables. Yeah, that makes sense!
- There’s no fighting over food with them.
- Sometimes I wish I was an eggplant.
- Olivia…did she say her name is Olivia?
- Olivia Wild comes to mind.
- That would be Wilde!
- I know!!
- What I meant was…
- Yeah! yeah! yeah! I know what you meant…
- I like meat. I want meat.
- What time is the Packers game on?
And Wham! Your brain delivers this image to you:
You’re in control now, your powerful mind has cleared it all. You feel proud you’re so darn smart! And only a couple of seconds have flown by. You clear your throat and answer: “Sure, Honey, what can I do you for?”
Ok, I’m lost! Let’s do a little recap:
Oh, yes! I remember: We have vivid imaginations and a very fast computer called “brain”. And so, we invented discretion to help block some images from popping up in our brain. Our brain, while very fast, can sometimes miss the target by miles. Or it can miss the point. That is why he have humor, jokes, puns, sarcasm.
And the point I was trying to make is, people should not announce that they’re coming out the closet! The Media that collects and propagates this sort of information makes everyone look stupid.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not offended. I think whatever people do with their private parts in the privacy of their own homes should always be private. As long as no laws are being broken and nobody is getting hurt, whatever they like to do, they can do. I’m not scared. No one should be. It’s all “normal”, just like that washer setting.
We all know who are those that are gay, it is no secret usually, and it doesn’t bother anyone. We never think of them anymore than we think of those who are heterosexual.
Unless we have some kind of sexual interest in someone, we do not have sexual thoughts of anyone. Nobody ever has thought like: “This guy, Robert, I wonder how he gets off”. We do not care for anyone’s sexual preferences. Period.
A famous actress came out of the closet. Who cares. My chances with her were not good anyway.
“you would have to be Al Pacino or Charles Bronson to come out. It doesn’t work if you’re Ricky Martin”
A famous actor comes out. Who cares. His chances of playing Rambo IX have flown out the window.
The problem is our brains every time we hear someone’s coming out. Is he coming out live? Are they selling tickets, or something? My brain comes up with horrendous unsolicited images of those guys getting rear-ended by monster trucks.
Also, you would have to be Al Pacino or Charles Bronson to come out. It doesn’t work if you’re Ricky Martin, because my brain had already done that much Math. And then it did Algebra.